Life
Comments 14

DNA DAD

Life is complicated, isn’t it? I never knew who my DNA Dad was growing up; I met him one weekend in the summer ’92. We had a nice time; we had every meal together he met. I met his wife and learned all about his stepson that he was raising. Later that summer he gave me a little money, and I bought a new sewing machine with it. He sent me the weirdest Christmas gift; it was a framed brass sculpture with two birds protecting a nest. I never saw or heard from him again.

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A few years ago my friend Larae and I looked him up on the Internet to see where he was. Back in Texas, okay. Still alive, that’s good. Since then I wondered if I’d ever know when he died, well the answer to that is no. It turns out that he died in early August of this year, a little over a month ago. It was my mom that found his obituary when trying to find his location. If circumstances were different, they would be celebrating 50 years soon.

I’m very weirded out by my reaction to the news. I only spent 12 hours with the man, ever. I never knew the man. You can’t miss what you never had, right? I grew up knowing that he existed and why my mom decided to go it alone. I’ve always been proud that she did what was best for us. It was the late ’60’s, imagine how difficult those choices must have been. She left and went back home to her Catholic family, and we lived there for two years. That wasn’t easy!

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Roger Paul Rine, 69, of Mauriceville, died Aug. 3, 2016, in Lufkin. Cremation arrangements are under the direction of Carroway Funeral Home, Lufkin. Mr. Rine was born Dec. 11, 1946 in Big Timber, Montana.

I’m deeply saddened by the obituary; it consists of a scant 29 words. Name, age, place of birth and where he resided and died and was cremated. That’s not enough words for a man of 69. So I’m on a mission to find out more about his last days. Why did he die 2 hours away from his home? Why did they cremate him there in the town where he died? Why isn’t any next of kin or family mentioned? Where are his remains? There was no service, did he die alone and unattached to anyone?

I’ve contacted the funeral home that did the cremation. I explained my relationship, and I’ve asked them for any and all information that have on his passing, remains, and next of kin.

I’ve looked for background information on him, but I’m a little scared of the types of sites that offer this up for a price. I have determined the name of his wife in the 90’s, that she’s still alive and living near, but not in, the town that was listed as his residence. I’m waiting to hear from the funeral home before reaching out to her.

Honestly, I’m a little scared and maybe and little ashamed that I’m just now trying to connect. I’m not sure that it was my responsibility to make and keep the connection, but I still feel concerned and conflicted about all of this. I’ll post more information as I find out more about Roger Rine’s life, it’s only fair that his story consists of more than 29 words.

 

 

This entry was posted in: Life

14 Comments

  1. That’s a tough and confusing spot you are in. Life can be so weird. I hope you find the information you want and find closure in all this.

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  2. You could approach this as genealogical research. Even if you didn’t have that connection with your dad, he is still your family and his relatives and ancestors are yours. It’s also good to learn your family medical history. You would need to start with him and work your way back. You can DM me on Instagram (missourimel) and I can help you get started. I have an ancestry.com account, also.

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    • Hi,

      I’d love that! I’ll be in touch! It ‘d be good to know more about the medical history. My mom told me that some of his female family members had breast cancer, but that is all I know. He was an alcoholic, so I’ve always tried to keep my drinking to a minimum, with the exception of college of course. LOL!

      xoxox,
      Kelly

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Patti says

    That a rough situation! It wasn’t your responsibility to keep up a relationship with someone who absented himself from your life- so let go of that guilt! I also had a mother who was brave enough to go it alone . Our situation was a man who was too selfish and self-centered to put forth the work of being a good father and husband. I tried to maintain a relationship as an adult until the stress started takeing a toll on my health. Once I stopped trying he didn’t bother to put forth any effort on his side. I pray you will have peace with all of this!
    Patti (IG Grammy1)

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  4. Sending you only positive thoughts, my friend. The fact is, you did reach out. You did let him know a bit about who you were. He also could have taken initiative to know you better too. I wish you all the best in your search for answers. Whatever they are, they will help complete your story, don’t you think?

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  5. Lisa G :-) says

    Wow, what a story! I can only imagine all the emotions you’re experiencing. I think Melissa Miller’s idea about genealogical research, and Patti is absolutely right about releasing any guilt you may have. Some people simply don’t have the ability to maintain healthy relationships, and based on the sparse obituary, I would guess that your dad was one of them. Thank God for awesome mommas!! Best of luck to you in your research, and I pray you find peace with the whole situation!

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  6. Kelly, call the local paper. I believe they still have a paper. Their obituaries in the paper may have more info. I don’t know why he was in Lufkin. A Beaumont hospital would have been closer. You can write the hospital to request his information. The state of Texas will send a copy of his death certificate. You might ask the funeral home who received the death certificates. I know Mauriceville had flooding earlier this year. Hardin County has a paper. The Orange paper is the Orange Leader. If you need further assistance please contact me via email. I might be able to help you further. He could have had a service at another funeral home. Prayers for you during a frustrating time. I used to live there & keep track of happenings.

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  7. I know who my father is but have never met him. I’ve stalked him online and a few years ago sent him a letter requesting some medical history from his side of the family (he is a doctor, so I thought he would understand). I never heard from him. I know where he lives and a few details of his life, but not much. It’s a subject that I’m sure you understand: the desire to know but the emotional feeling of wariness.

    Regardless, I wanted to direct you to familysearch.org. It’s a website run by the Mormons, who are fantastic record-keepers. You can do preliminary searches without signing up, but I ended up signing up for a free account. The amount of information I found about my father (and myself, actually) was amazing. It is an incredible resource. I hope it helps you find some details about your father.

    I discovered your website this morning and now am subscribed to your blog. I have enjoyed it very much so far. Thank you for sharing your life with all of us.

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    • Thank you, Laura!! I’ll be sure to check that out. My 16 yo son has been interested in that site for awhile now, maybe he and I can’t do this together.

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